Common Problem Syndromes

Click on any syndrome to read more about it.

Role-Bound Emotional Starvation Syndrome

Both parties have evolved to interact with each other like business managers, going about the business of managing everyday life but without mutual play or sentimental affirmation of each other. Special time is not allocated for intimate talking. No significant effort is made to share intimate time away from parenting roles. Each party feels "taken for granted." The couple argues about small control issues or events that are interpreted as indicating a lack of appreciation of each other.

Pursuer - Evader Syndrome

One party is more comfortable with the expression of intense feelings. The other party dreads intensity, especially heated conflict. The person who dreads intensity finds ways to emotionally withdraw by finding responsibilities to take up his or her time. The other person sees his or her partner withdrawing and reacts by aggressively pursuing contact. The pursuer often intrudes by expressing his or her resentments in a derogatory manner. The pursuer/intruder may also openly interpret the withdrawing party’s feelings and motives. The withdrawing party reacts by withdrawing further. The pursuer feels like he or she is being driven "crazy."

Initiator - Dependent Syndrome

One party (the initiator) has somehow wound up with all the responsibility for planning the fun part of the relationship. The dependent party may be very responsible in his or her job role. However, when it comes to family or relationship activity, the dependent party looks to the initiator for ideas. The dependent party is "easy" and ready to agree. The initiator feels as if he or she has another child for a partner. The initiator misses the excitement of another perspective besides his or her own and also feels lonely although the initiator may cover it over with anger.

Delinquent Helper Syndrome

One party (the "task-master") has somehow wound up with all of the responsibility for overseeing the household chores. The other party often doesn’t "help". The task-master frequently reminds the delinquent helper what needs to be done. The delinquent helper often forgets if they’re not frequently reminded.

Unproductive Conflict

The couple starts a conflict over a specific issue but soon escalates to general blaming behavior. Past misdeeds are raised up in an attempt to invalidate the other. Nothing gets accomplished and the couple retreats from one another with much hostility. This syndrome does not refer to conflict which threatens violence or actually becomes violent.

"Sneaky" Spending Behavior

One party is trying to reduce spending to live within a realistic budget. The other party is often unmindful of what they spend. The less mindful person may not be forthcoming about what they buy.

Conflicting Levels of Sexual Interest

One party wants it more, the other party wants it less. This does not refer to syndromes in which there is emotional conflict or emotional alienation affecting sexual interest. Rather, this is merely referring to different levels of sexual drive.

Non-violent Raging Behavior

In a conflict situation, one party is more likely to yell and scream before retreating in a "huff." In some couples, the rager may disapprove of his or her own behavior but feels helpless to prevent it. He or she may try to avoid conflict situations altogether.