Marriage Help Online to Save Your Marriage

This Marriage First Aid Kit Offers Free Online Marriage Help That Can Ultimately Help You Save Your Marriage

(Click to Open)

 

The Marriage First Aid Kit contains descriptions and explanations for the most common syndromes causing marriage problems and marital conflict. For each problem syndrome, interventions are suggested and the reasons given for why they often work to help save your marriage. The Marriage First Aid Kit also contains articles on intimate relationships, marital improvement as well as a question & answer forum discussing specific relationship problems brought in by visitors. You will be able to read about the various marriage problems raised by past visitors and what types of interventions were recommended. If you would like good advice on how to deal with your own marriage problems and save your marriage, then visit the Q & A Forum listed on the kit contents page.

The kit will help you learn about the following problems:

Drug Affected:

Either partner is using frequent alcohol, cannabis, cocaine, or other mood altering chemical.

Role-Bound, Emotional Starvation Syndrome:

Both parties have evolved to interact with each other like business managers, going about the business of managing everyday life but without mutual play or sentimental affirmation of each other. Special time is not allocated for intimate talking. No significant effort is made to share intimate time away from parenting roles. Each party feels "taken for granted." Arguments flare up about small control issues or events that are interpreted as indicating a lack of appreciation of each other.

Pursuer - Evader Syndrome:

One party is more comfortable with the expression of intense feelings. The other party dreads intensity, especially heated conflict. The person who dreads intensity finds ways to emotionally withdraw by finding responsibilities to take up their time. The other person sees their partner withdrawing and reacts by aggressively pursuing contact. They often intrude by expressing their resentments in a derogatory manner. The pursuer/intruder may also openly interpret the withdrawing party’s feelings and motives. The withdrawing party reacts by withdrawing further. The pursuer feels like they are being driven "crazy."

Initiator - Dependent Syndrome:

One party (the initiator) has somehow wound up with all the responsibility for planning the fun part of the relationship. The dependent party may be very responsible in their job role. However, when it comes to family or relationship activity, they look to the initiator for ideas. The dependent party is "easy" and ready to agree. The initiator feels as if they have another child for a partner. They miss the excitement of another perspective besides their own and they feel lonely although they may cover it over with anger.

Third Party Contamination:

Either partner is keeping contact with another person with whom they have previously had a sexual/emotional bond.

Threat of Physical Violence:

Either partner has demonstrated through their past behavior or by verbal threat that they may physically assault or restrict movement of the other.

"Sneaky" Spending Behavior:

One party is trying to reduce spending to live within a realistic budget, the other party is often unmindful of what they spend. The less mindful person may not be forthcoming about what they buy.

   
Conflicting Levels of Sexual Interest:

One party wants it more, the other party wants it less. This does not refer to syndromes in which there is emotional conflict or emotional alienation affecting sexual interest. Rather, this is merely referring to different levels of sexual drive.

Non-violent Raging Behavior:

In a conflict situation, one part is more likely to yell and scream before retreating in a "huff." In some couples, the rager may disapprove of their own behavior but feel helpless to prevent it. They may try to avoid conflict situations altogether.

Intentional Deception:

Either party intentionally tries to lie or deceive the other in order to avoid exposing broken agreements or irresponsible behavior.

Delinquent Helper Syndrome:

One party (the "task-master") has somehow wound up with all of the responsibility for overseeing the household chores. The other party often doesn’t "help". The task-master frequently reminds the delinquent helper what needs to be done. The delinquent helper often forgets if they’re not frequently reminded.

Non-productive Conflict:

The couple starts a conflict over a specific issue but soon escalates to general blaming behavior. Past misdeeds are raised up in an attempt to invalidate the other. Nothing gets accomplished and the couple retreats from one another with much hostility. This syndrome does not refer to conflict which threatens violence or actually becomes violent.

In contrast with most marriage help publications, the Marriage First Aid Kit was not designed with the naive assumption that most relationship problems are simply the result of poor communication. You usually can't save your marriage just by focusing on communication. Marriage problems are often the result of conflicting "ego-states", roles, shamed need states, and other dynamics that often have much to do with the personalities of the two partners. The best marriage help is to understand the emotions that underlie marriage problems and to design strategies for managing those emotions.. Our marriage advice and recommended marriage help strategies are based on this understanding. If you are ready to save your marriage, “The Marriage First Aid Kit” is a good place to start.

 

Videoconferencing is Available

Dr. Kaye provides relationship and personal growth coaching via internet videoconferencing using the free Skype program. It's very easy. If you're interested, you can call Dr. Kaye on his cell phone at 919 218 5948 and discuss how to set it up. You can also obtain and review the videoconferencing service contract here (Word document).

 

Click Here to get marriage help from our sister website containing The Marriage First Aid Kit